Hell Comes to Frogtown (1987)

"In the latter days of the 20th Century, there arose a difference of opinion. The leading experts of the time believed a nuclear war would only involve the exchange of a few bombs. And then the suitably horrified combatants would sit down at the peace table. They were wrong. In just 10 days, 10,000 years of human progress was virtually blown to dust. 10 years later, they tried again."

And so begins, the best Roddy Piper movie short of They Live. And in the first five seconds of the film, someone busts a bottle over his head and threatens to cut off his balls with the jagged glass. Turns out, Sam Hell (Piper's clever name in the film) is saved by his sperm. You see, Sam Hell is one of the few remaining non-sterile men in the world. So the People-In-Charge immediately decide to put a bomb on his crotch and make him a freedom fighter.

Makes sense?

Our Sam Hell is placed on Official Impregnating Duty and trekked out to hostile mutant territory where some fertile ladies have been kidnapped by....well, frog men. Frog men living in Frogtown. It sells itself, really.

This "Sam Sperm" character travels (to the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic") to Frogtown, a place where real men drink pints of industrial waste and a mush made from ground-up lizards. Because...frog men.

Frog Men!

It's like a Pollock pastiche. A little bit of Han Solo mixed with Planet of the Apes swirled into Deathsport. The movie comes together like those squirts of paint splashed on a Rowdy Roddy Piper canvas that is mostly shirtless and living in a Road Warrior world. This isn't Mad Max though. Instead it's Mad Max through the lens of Rhonda Shear's USA Up All Night.

Coincidentally, where I saw this movie for the first time.

So, it's a post-apocalyptic T/A movie. Plenty of those out there. But it's a T/A movie that knows exactly what it is. No one writing this film ever thought they were making anything other than a B-movie. The self-awareness is the only thing that makes it watchable.

Take the "dance of the three snakes" sequence for example:

That's probably the best way to sum up how ridiculously this movie focuses everything on sex. A girl's attempt to seduce a frog man. Not all of it works. But Roddy Piper seems to be having a good time at least.

The "resolution" of this film is that Rowdy Roddy Piper becomes the prostitute for his lady-pimp. I'm fairly certain the filmmakers worked backwards from there.

This one might be worth it late on a Tuesday when you're reminiscing about how fun late night movies used to be back when there was such a thing. Unfortunately, unless you've had a few to drink and you enjoy making fun of the movie as you go along, you'll remember that they were a bit silly and boring too.