Ninja III: The Domination (1984)

Ninja III: The Domination is a movie with an identity crisis. This crisis plays out in front of you like a friend making a drunken scene in a public place. You're powerless to stop it, and everything you try to do that might mitigate its severity only escalates the intensity. So, you end up just sitting back and letting it play out, nodding solemnly as an hour-and-a-half passes.

I've already mentioned that I'm a fan of the 80's "ninja craze" so this film seemed like a natural fit. Even more so after I saw the craziness that was Golan-Globus in Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films. But I was not prepared for the insanity of a Ninja/Exorcist film, and I think that shows in my attempt to outline the setup.

The movie begins with all-out ninja action...on a golf course. All of the traditional ninjitsu arts are on display in this first 10 minute sequence, including:

"Golf-cart lifting"

"Gun blow-darting"

"Car roof-punching"

"Kicking a dude off his motorcycle, then putting him back on so that he can fall off again as it crashes" - Note: This gif was not edited.

After bombarding the audience with the kind of ninja craziness that could only come out of an 80's ninja flick, suddenly, things shift. We get a Flashdance-esque sequence of a beautiful Tele-Company Worker suiting up to climb a telephone pole and then spotting our ninja just before he dies. They struggle, she gets away, but then he yells, and inexplicably, she's like, "Sure, I'll hear you out (even though you're talking in Japanese) and absorb your memories from the sword you want to give to me."

"I've always wanted a bloody sword."

One of the weirdest aspects of this film (and that's saying something) is that the writer, the actors, or both seem to have never actually interacted with other human beings before.

For example, the main cop calls to ask the Tele-Company Worker out but she says she has an aerobics class; he shows up at her aerobics class (to unabashedly stalk her), yet she's not creeped out by this creeper. That's just the start, though.

A group of gym guys try to assault her outside of the gym, yet the cop does nothing to help.

After the fight, he "arrests" her (for fighting back, I guess?).Once they're in his car together, we get this exchange:

"You could get tried for assault for what you did to those guys."

"I don't need any help. Especially from you!"

"I am sick and tired of hearing about how you don't like cops. 'Cuz I'm going to tell you something "Miss Independence." I like being a cop. And if you don't wanna go out with me just because I'm a cop, then the hell with you, lady!"

"I don't have any coffee in my apartment, but I do have some V8 juice. Would you like to take me home?"

Cut to:

There is LITERALLY no scene between the car argument and this.

And that would be weird enough. But then this happens:

V8 product placement at its finest, I guess?

Immediately after their V8 sex-party, she gets possessed by the ninja sword.

Her possession sets up the latter half of the film where our Tele-Company Worker suits-up in ninja clothes and weapons to carry out some Death Wish-style vengeance against the cops who killed the previous ninja incarnation on the golf course.

This movie is one of the rare examples of the patchwork that bad movies can sometimes be made from. Bad acting, a plot derived from parts that don't work together, and a heavy reliance/confidence on action and the lead actress's sex-appeal all come together to create a very strange tapestry. Some bad movies have one or two of these, but seeing all in the same film is truly something else.

If you're looking to watch a movie that makes you question your own sanity and tests your ability to follow along, Ninja III: The Domination is probably just about right. You'll probably get some laughs out of it with the right audience, and you might feel closer to one another after. Kind of like war buddies.