The Garbage Pail Kids Movie

A magic shop owner keeps horribly deformed children captive in a garbage pail. Those mentally challenged kids escape and befriend a fairly normal looking kid. (Isn't that always the way it goes?) They form a clothing company to help him win the heart of a girl and then break out into song (SONG!?!?!) That is your plot for The Garbage Pail Kids Movie. That's what you've done to yourself. Great job society.

Seriously though, I was part of the problem as much as anyone else. My backpack had a rubberbanded stack of the cards when I was about nine years old. It was about an inch thick and worn around the edges. So, yes, I fully implicate myself in this tragedy of a commercial....er, movie.

Oddly, the Ali Gator character sounds exactly like Carl from Aqua Teen. I tried to find an audio clip online to illustrate this little tidbit, but apparently no one cares enough about this movie. And rightly so. It certainly earned a place (at one time) among the lowest 100 on the IMDB list of all movies, ever.

By the time I was finished with the film, the film wasn't yet over. In fact, it went on for another hour. (running time: 96 minutes) But I did learn two valuable lessons: always make friends with a biker gang, and children's movies are a super-weird kind of disturbing.

This movie creeped me out. A little bit like Teeth did. That will probably mean I'll be dreaming of this tonight: